1.motive
a.premeditation
2.construction
a.rehearsal
3.act/action
a.false/artifice
b.annunciation
all of these operate under a blanket of depravity (entertainment!).
for day 2 i have the following to report:
i went to shoot with the idea of depravity...entertainment. the blanket. the over-arching. is entertainment corruption? are they even the same thing? in theory, no. but it comes when you have the "give the people what they want" attitude. in delivering the demand for entertainment there is no doubt corrupt acts and practices involved. entertainment isnt an honest business. i went out to shoot aiming to capture the other side of entertainment that ive often left out; the entertained. i got video footage of a fair. i videotaped rides with people on them. i videotaped people walking around fairgrounds. i shot the entertained. the perspective of the customer, which i have never done up until this point. all of my work has been coming from the perspective of the entertainer.
there was one booth set up with the "smallest woman in the world". side shows dont really exist anymore, this is the closest thing that my generation will ever see that relates to that. the story is this: you pay a man a dollar and you get to walk into a tent to see this "smallest woman in the world". for an extra dollar you could take a photograph of her. for one more dollar you could see her stand up. i will never say that my experience being on display is in any way similar to the "small woman", but i felt drawn to this blue tent and the idea that a person was being bought and sold for entertainment purposes. i could relate.....i could relate on a totally different level , but its still relating. in sharp contrast to my own personal morals and ethics regarding the buying and selling of people for purposes of entertainment, i paid my dollar and went in. i selfishly wanted to see what it was like to do the looking instead of being looked at. i felt horrible the second i paid my dollar, and then i went in. i rounded the corner to see this woman and the second we met eyes i wanted to leave. i knew i paid to see her. she knew i paid to see her. there was a sick connection on my part that i made with her. i saw the look in her eyes. i have given that look. (situations are still different, i know, i know, but im speaking on a basic level here). my immediate instinct was to talk (shocker). she didnt tell me her name, but i asked her many questions. she is 65. shes from Jamaica but lives in florida. she has a daughter and "hundreds" of grandkids. she is 29 inches tall. my instinct was to immediately have an everyday conversation to make up for my own personal guilt i felt for dehumanizing another human being. i feel bad for looking, and i feel bad for contributing to corruption because i simply wanted to see what it was like to look instead of being looked at. it was fucked up on all levels.
i have a big sister who is slightly taller than the legal cut-off for being considered a "little person" or "midget" or whatever term people choose to use nowadays. i love my sister and i would personally rip out the eyeballs of anyone who stared at her for being a "freak". i would have no problem fatally injuring anyone who looked at her for their own personal entertainment. curiosity is no excuse.
i dont feel like i have any ground to stand on with regards to "the other". the only "other" i have to claim is the fact that im a woman. theres nothing else "wrong" with me. in terms of talking about depravity and entertainment, i cannot use this woman as a vehicle to have my discussion. the "your life is my art" bullshit is screwed up. i felt horrible for paying my dollar to get in and then paying another dollar to take a photo, but in my mind, in stripper-head, i thought "but this is her income. this is an exchange. her financial security is based on my photographic opportunity. she depends on my dollar"....its fucked up. i know sonali and paul hate it when i cuss, but theres no other way to describe this situation: its fucked up.
and yes, ive read sontag's book.
now were having a whole different discussion. i dont know what to do with this photograph. i dont want to use it, but i feel that it is a perfect document of the depravity/entertainment blanket. i havnt scanned it and im not posting it.
for day 3 i have the following report:
today i am focusing on construction and rehearsal. my ideas keep going to literal representations of construction. in 30 minutes im going to shoot some video in a theatre. im going to do a shot of an empty set from the stage and from the audience chairs. what is construction and rehersal?
something that has been built.
ragged edges.
i like the idea of something trying so hard to look real and failing so miserably that i am reminded of how constructed it really is.
im interested in evidence of construction. unpainted wood, nails showing.
Edit: 750 pm.
i got a shot of a corner that has visible evidence of "constructedness".
i got a shot of the entrance of a theatre building from the lobby.
i got a shot of theatre seats and the set used in a play as a representation of constructed space as a basis for performance. this is too fucking literal. toooooo easy. set=construction. DUH. today sucked. today failed. i need to think more about construction.
Pronunciation:
\kən-ˈstrək-shən\
Function:
noun
Date:
14th century
1: the act or result of construing, interpreting, or explaining2 a: the process, art, or manner of constructing something ; also : a thing constructed b: the construction industry
its about process
its about arrangement
its part of a whole
rehersal:
\ri-ˈhər-səl\
Function:
noun
Date:
14th century
1: something recounted or told again : recital2 a: a private performance or practice session preparatory to a public appearance b: a practice exercise :
rehearsal is also about process and arrangement.
ok, so im still thinking about a play. im also thinking about a still life, specifically the dutch paintings of food. im thinking about the symbolism within those and the idea of having a reason for everything being present in the composition.
...make-up. process. arrangement. symbolism.
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