Booty Video Progress

I tried making one this morning. I couldnt do it. It was too hard. I picked a song. Picked out the most ghetto fab panties i own and couldnt bear to hit the record button on the Flip.
I can do it live.
I can do it to send to some stupid boy that i happen to be dating at the time.
I cannot do it for youtube. Something didnt feel right. Maybe I wasnt in the mood. Maybe i just dont care to do that kind of thing. But I will. Ill make it happen. I need to release the pressure im putting on myself. Still photos and pole is different for some reason.
I dont fear looking stupid. I never fear judgment placed on my body, only on my mind. Its just the pressure. I gotta get a fucking grip so that i can investigate this properly.

I need to beg steph to let me download a free trial of Snapz Pro onto her computer. I cant do it on the studio computer because it requires a pass word and i cant do it on mine because i dont have enough hard drive space yet. I need to do the TrackyBirthday experiment. I need the free trial before i spend the money buying the software.

I was talking about this whole "exhibitionism", "attention" thing with steph and about how, within the world of artist, im a bit embarrassed to admit that i like attention. I feel like i get the eye roll when i talk about being both eccentric and extroverted. Artists are supposed to be eccentric and introverted and then look at you funny when you comment on their crazy cat lady outfit, you see. I am an extrovert. I do like attention. Attention is powerful. My mother and grandmothers were extremely extroverted and eccentric people. People sought them out. Thats powerful to me. I like being approached. It means I have something to offer.


(Again, she and I have similar experiences with this, almost to a T......we also own the same pair of shoes in different colors)

On a more personal note, the extroverted "I dont give a fuck" high strung, eccentric attitude has done more harm for me than good. It scares the shit out of people. Perhaps because I tend to deal mostly with boys and girls, as opposed to men and women. Im a normal person. I dont think theres anything insanely different and new and interesting about me. I just do what i do. Theres nothing to be scared of. Except for maybe the truth.
Ive never been one to think that apathy and being a wallflower or passive was effective in getting what it is that you want...unless what you want is to drift. I dont drift.