I never in a million years would have ever thought that a bunch of dancers would be shy about performing, or even standing, in front of a camera with lights and a white seamless.
Somehow ive never had a problem with this when it was just me. I shot for 8 hours yesterday and im not sure if i have anything usable in terms of footage.
I had 3 friends come in and not one of them felt comfortable performing in front of the camera, even when we were just joking around. There was something about that lens and the permanence of the video that clearly scared the shit out of them. Im logging and capturing today, so I can see what I got, in order to better prepare for the next set.
I changed the black tank top to a black turtle neck tank top, which lended itself more to the idea of girl/dancer. I made a pole as a prop, which i quickly removed because it looked so hokey it was distracting.
The longer we were there, the more we talked. Although these girls are some of the most inspiring and amazing people ive ever met in my life, i dont hang out with them outside of work for many reasons. The only girl that i do see semi-regularly is Lauren, who i knew before i got started in all of this.
Ive learned that ive never quite fit into either of the worlds: nightlife jobs OR daytime jobs. Within the world of nightlife jobs, i am too square. Im too quiet, to analytical, to high strung and too worried about too many things. Within the world of day walkers, i am too crass, rude, loud, too air headed and snappy. I could never assimilate into either world fully because, typically, one always depended on the other (half and half) I work nightlife jobs to pay for my day walker activities and i do the day walker shit because i want to truly believe that i am more than just a nightlife entertainer.
Outside of nightlife work, most of these girls cannot keep up with me on an intellectual level. However at work, I cannot keep up with any of these girls on a "life experience" level. I certainly didnt have ANYTHING done for me, but lets face it, i had it pretty fucking good in comparison to many girls ive met. Ive never had a man hit me (unless i started it, lol), ive never been raped, i dont have kids, i went to college and for the most part, i had what i needed growing up. The main difference being that if i didnt have what i needed, i was naturally head strong and stubborn enough to do what it took to get it until i had it. I had options because i was a bossy little girl.
I dont quite fit into either of these worlds that i function within. Now that I think about it, i have no idea who i think im fooling. I dont think I fool ANYONE in my day walker world. I think they all see right through me, and im assigned this overly girly, drama queen, boys boys boys, talkative air head with a foul mouth role. When im in my night life world, no one fully accepts me because im a nerd because i use "smart" words like "prefer", "probable", and "serviceable" when referencing shoes, customers, and bathrooms.
Anyway, im not sure what i have. I feel that i straddle a weird class line and i dont quite fit into either.
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